Wangerland Scooter Rally 2022 | RALLERY

Wangerland is not just a silly name for an all-inclusive summer scooter rally in Germany. It’s not only the daft name of the holiday camp that houses the event but is actually the silly name of the district.

In the spirit of John F Kennedy’s famous speech, let me just proudly say “ich bin ein Wanger”.

Curse of the Bat-Botherers

Wangerland was originally conceived as a summertime 2020 version of the all-inclusive winter frolics that many have experienced at Scooterist Meltdown events in Kalkar. We’ve ridden out to almost every one in storms, sub-zero temperatures and even the odd snow flurry. As such, the appeal of a similar event in the summer, which wouldn’t result in a salt-savaged scooter, was mighty high.

So we booked.

When Marcus and Mareike from Spirit of 84 Scooterists first conceived the event: that was during the ‘old normal’. In the old normal, the Wangerland site was owned by a sister eccentric holiday company of the former nuclear power station in Kalkar and everything was going to be easy. Then the new normal arrived. The new normal sucks like an Amsterdam hooker, but without the happy ending. The new normal cancelled the 2020 edition. Then it cancelled the 2021 edition. Finally the event was back on for 2022 in a totally different landscape. Politically, financially and even literally.

The Wangerland site, complete with its lake and sand beach was now in the hands of a new holiday company and overlooked by a row of luxury houses built during the pandemic. People moved in when the camp was essentially closed. So now the owners of these lake-view apartments would, for the first time, face-off across the lake to a full-flow scooterist weekender. Let’s see how that’s going to go…

To Cut a Long Story Short…

…I lost my mind.

Here’s a brief resume as bullet points.

• 3 scooters to rebuild and make legal before the 800-mile ride
• One blows up three days before we set off
• We revive another (my old hub-centre steered Vespa ‘Dreadnought’) for my son Sam, for whom this weekend would mark his 21st birthday party
• Biblical rainstorms on the way to Harwich flood areas of Essex and the fire brigade close our route
• We arrive in time for the Wednesday night Stena departure from Harwich only to find that some idiot (me) has booked the ferries in the wrong direction. We are supposed to be sailing from Holland to the UK that night. Doh!
• Worse still is that the ferry to Holland is full and the best Stena can offer our 5-man party is the next crossing the following morning, for which we had to pay a hefty surcharge, and had nowhere to sleep

The wonder of the scooterist universe is that the connections spread in every direction like the web tattoo on a skinhead’s elbow. Glevum Stax member (and Scooterist Radio DJ) Jay and his good lady Sarah, who live a mile from the port, were hospitable enough to house five desperate scooterists at 11pm. Bear in mind that Jay had to be up for work on the docks by 5am. Above and beyond. Many thanks. After a Thursday day crossing and a bit of hard riding we eventually made our overnight stay near Groningen in the north of Holland together with members of Glevum Stax and Olympics SC. Back on schedule, with only 90 miles of A-roads to do on Friday. Easy. Or so it seemed.

Two punctures, a water system refill, refitting an ejected TS1 carb, interventions from the Dutch Polities (they really are polite) and after some treacle-like progress we eventually rocked up in Wangerland around 5pm. The nighters that Chevvy and Chris were supposed to be DJing at started in only a few hours time. We needed a drink. And some food. Thankfully they both were now free. Which is the right price.

Bottomless Bar

When Spirit of 84 first punted Wangerland the event sold out all 800 spaces. That was back in the old normal.

The new normal is not really normal at all. After a brace of cancellations and all the events of the last two years many people didn’t fancy it, could no longer afford it or simply had other priorities, so Wangerland was less than half-full.

Half-full maybe, but with the purest distillation of the scooterist spirit – much like the first Scooterist Meltdown. If you missed it then you missed out. Only those most dedicated to partying like it’s 1999, or indeed any of the decades before, need apply.

Those putting all their eggs in the Friday basket were treated to 3 am parties in two rooms (Chevvy and Terry Walters in the main room and a 2-years postponed Speed Demons SC 35th anniversary party in the Indie room). Several bars around the complex served spirits in the sort of measures you only get in Spain, or if someone wants to amputate a limb without anaesthetic. Coincidentally, even early on some people were metaphorically, if not actually, legless.

Club Tropicana

One of the consequences of, let’s say this diplomatically, a ‘maturing’ scooterist audience is that the focus of a rally has swung less from the evening dos and more towards the daytimes. People just want to catch up with old mates from all over Europe (admittedly most of the Wangerland clientele were Brits or Germans), chat, drink and misbehave. Many were dressed as extras from forthcoming beachwear horror movie ‘Baywatch vs Dawn of the Dead’.

It took some time for the afternoon beach party to warm up, but when it did the atmosphere was fantastic. The scooter custom show sat alongside a massive seating area, opposite a foam pond, a cocktail bar and an inflatable water slide. At the glorious sand-beached lake you could jump on a paddle-board or canoe for minutes before the massed ranks of alcohol-infused Hari Krishnas ran in and capsized you. While not everyone participated in the fancy dress, the mood was infectious (sic) with even the Wangerland staff getting involved in dishing out headgear and messing about with bubble blowers.

From the custom show, the most outstanding creation was Ibbo from the Cheltenham Blue Diamonds drool-worthy LI Series one ‘Naked Again’ powered by a howling Yamaha Banshee motor.

WANGERLAND RALLY 2022

BEST OF SHOW
Marek Nachlik – Dupont Racer (GPz 500 engined Lambretta)

BEST VESPA
John Balcomb – Vespa Rally 200

BEST LAMBRETTA
Sven Borges aka Borgo – TV Ser 1 with RLC engine

BEST VINTAGE SCOOTER
Nobby from Oxford Roadrunners – Original 1960s Ron Moss Street Racer ‘Pacemaker’

BEST CUSTOM SCOOTER
Simon Collins – Vespa ‘My World’

BEST ENGINEERING
Ibbo – RD 350 LC (with 420 Banshee top end) Lambretta ‘Naked Again’

FARTHEST TRAVELLED
Narna did 647 miles.

BEST TURNED-OUT RIDDEN CLUB
Speed Demons SC

BEST SWIM WEAR
Leane & Dave Gotch

Turn around and you were accosted by a bizarre sequence of ‘fun-games’ including horizontal beer crate stacking. That was after the gang of old men singing sea-shanties. The daytime frolics worked spectacularly ‘as advertised’ chiefly because the weather was perfect.

Massive cock!

The only thing spoiling this perfection was one of the neighbours from the new luxury houses on the other side of the lake, who had already sent the police around about the noise from the do the previous night. He was now moaning about the noise from the PA on the beach to ensure local regulations on a “quiet time” between 1pm and 3pm was adhered to. Apparently, there’d even been complaints previously about the noise of children’s beach parties earlier this season. Call me thick, but if you buy a house next to a pre-existing airport, race circuit or holiday camp, then the price you paid for that house reflected the fact that it was built in a noisy environment. As such, you’d hope that any noise complaints would result in little more than the rough installation of some ear plugs by some council workers, preferably using a hammer. Here though, the local police dutifully investigated his complaints and visited the campsite several times to ensure the music in the Indie room on Saturday night was at a pitifully low volume. All this culminated on Sunday afternoon when this particular NIMBY called the police around to complain again about the music of the beach bar only to be greeted with a line of mooning scooterist arses being aimed at him from the far side of the lake. Admittedly that’s a sight that’s only marginally more horrific than the fancy dress being worn the day before.

For those on the three-night packages (€399 inc accommodation) Sunday evening’s entertainment was Hari-Karioke or the Northern Soul movie in the cinema. Essentially, a choice between cheese or death. Most chose death by auditory torture. For the rest of us on the 2-night deal (€299 all inclusive) we faced another journey on Sunday into a headwind, forcing overburdened, highly-modified Italian shopping vehicles to do things they were never designed to do, and dealing with the resultant failures when they object. In that sense it felt more like some sort of endurance event than a holiday, but the satisfaction of overcoming all those hurdles is peculiarly high.

Computer Says ‘NO’

Our last torment was trying to get on the Monday night boat we’d originally planned to get, rather than the Tuesday boat we’d been allocated after my booking error.

The customer services people in the Stena offices in Hook van Holland were black belts in unhelpfulness. Ferry full. No cabins available; we were told.

Thankfully our clubmate Sarah has the tenacity of a terrier. After finding out which scooterists had spare beds in their cabins and an hour or more talking to Stena’s UK helpline we managed to get four of us transferred onto the evening crossing with nothing extra to pay.

The moral of the story here is if mum says ‘no’, ask dad. Also, when scooterists are united, we can overcome seemingly unassailable problems by Hook or by crook. …

There Can Be Only One

Wangerland, through its covid-induced three-year incubation period turned out to be just as arduous for the organisers, but it all proved worth it in the end. The few hundred people on the rally universally seemed to have a great time. The silliness dial was set to max and the aggro knob set to zero; just where you want it.

Whether there will be another rally at that venue, or whether it would work so well without the weather is still in the hands of Thor.

“By the way Thor, if you are listening, any chance you could organise a pin-point lightning strike on a certain house next to a lake in Northern Germany please?”

Words, additional pics and video: Sticky
Main images and video clips: Lit