After spending time with Terry Vine at Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, he convinced Dave, Willow and I to attend Flatlanders SC’s first rally, postponed for obvious reasons from 2021.
It is no hidden secret that I have a preference to club rallies over municipal or Nationals, I just like meeting new people and their ‘way of life.’
As always, whenever we ride, Lynn Mifflin wants to tag along and of course, she is always welcome. To make her feel at home, we renamed her ‘Erol’, so she can be one of the lads in namesake at least.
2 pm was the time to meet at the local petrol station, so Dave (Salford Knights) and Erol (Liverpool/Birkenhead/Southport) rocked up at mine as keen as mustard at 1:20. Quickly closing the laptop and work, which was not finished (had to take it with me it to do later) we were off to get Willow (Wigan SC). Once again, the Renegades were riding from loads of different clubs, meeting Daz (Lincoln Knights) at the rally.
Two P200s, a Gayer and a Winter model
It was 165 miles to the rally for me and an extra 30 for Erol, 2 x P200, Willow on his self-confessed gayer and myself on what is thought to be my trusty AF Winter Model, what could possibly go wrong. After clocking up 1,500 miles in August and September, Glevum Stax, Isle of Wight and local rides my exhaust capitulated en-route to the Isle of Wight. I got home with a makeshift exhaust and blagged an “as new” Fresco (personal choice of weapon) to be fitted. The moral of the story here, if you ever fit an exhaust with Garry Cooke, make sure he checks all your nuts as you have probably not tightened them enough.
Five-star check in
We took A-roads all the way, it’s more direct and more comfortable for Erol. Everything was going well until the exhaust studs came loose. My first case of dirty fingernails and I was glad I never put the rear runners back on. We followed the sat nav over the fens. When we were just two miles away, I had a terrible thought that I put the wrong postcode in, luckily I hadn’t because we soon saw the Flatlanders Scooter Club stood in their fluorescent Hi-viz, we had arrived.
After setting off at 14:15, we arrived, with one enforced stop by 18.30, with enough daylight to put the tents up. Pleasantly greeted by the guys, they checked us in by scanning our codes, goody bags collected with pre-ordered patches. Seamless check-in like a 5-star hotel. Erol was catching up with her mate Will from Acton and staying in a nearby hotel just some 300m away – when they caught up – it was actually 10 miles away – the beauty of online hotel reservation apps.
Don’t mention the war
Friday night was a blur. The main venue was great. The bands were playing, there was ample bar staff, I never needed to queue for a drink all weekend and was still able to hear people talk. There were three bands on Friday, The Tokyo Rankers, Stage and Echo. There was a last-minute drop out of ‘Rise up’ due to medical reasons, personally gutted as I wanted to see Tommo Jacks’ band play. In the marquee next door were the DJs playing scooter sounds over the weekend, which gave me the room to start “dad dancing”. DJs for the weekend were Terry Grant, Little Miss Modette, Matt Howarth (Prodigy), Jason Ude, Stuart Savage and Jenny Watts.
The event was held at Ramsey 1940 War Enactment venue, it was fab and one of the best club rally venues I have personally witnessed. The beer (Moretti, other lagers available) at just £3.50, the lads with the fab pizza oven – again with freshly cooked pizzas at £7, Chloe’s Food wagon with proper realistic prices and the venue doing full cooked breakfast with tea and toast for £5. It was nice to see great pricing and service.
Breakfast in bed
Saturday started with a 1940s cooked breakfast, second mug of tea included, and the staff said we could take it back to our tents. Very hospitable. Even though the prices were cheap, Willow had to clear his head and get a few bottles of beer and flavoured cider from town. Erol was in town looking for a sleeping bag as she wanted to stay on-site Saturday and at the same time, she got me some gas and ice for the beers to stay cold in the underseat drinks fridge in the gayer.
The scooters started gathering for the custom show, with an extra-large display from the various chopper groups and their choppers. Even being September, there were a lot of pristine, rat, oddity and original untouched scooters on display. The photos show it all and sorry that I never got a list of the winners.
Quit frauline around
From custom show to pizza, then to get changed as we, (as demanded by Terry Vine) put a Renegades team in for the scooter rally games. I can’t remember the 3rd team’s name but they were captained by “Slim” and they were a hilarious bunch of lads (dressed as fraulines). The second team were the Essex Road Tramps – or cheats (that’s another story about us being sore losers) and ourselves. The thing to notice was that the fancy dress theme for the day was beer festival. Loads of lads in real and fake lederhosen and loads of girls (& lads) in beer keller girl outfits. Big shout out to the three skin girls camped next to us and Daz for the great photo at the start of the day.
Hungry Hippos
The first game was Hungry Hippo, check out the Renegades Facebook page to spot the cheats. Absolutely hilarious, as Terry and the guys were soaking the tarpaulin, adding two or three bottles of baby shampoo, I suggested to Erol to get changed, as unfortunately, the shower block did not arrive so this was her time to have a shower. The second game was munching away at a cucumber tied to your leg, I nearly choked on it, it probably would have been better Erol and me swapping places. The last game was the yard of ale. Yard of ale with a difference. If you stop drinking, you must eat a banana.
Weirdo
Slim was first up, everything looked like he would win it, his stealth-like figure, his height, and his leather pinafore dress. But it was not to materialise. Next was Jim from Essex Road Tramps, fresh from his win at Glevum Stax, he had a good attempt. Next, it was Willow, from the Wigan SC. He looked the part, knew to turn it whilst drinking and was as fit as anything. After his self-introductions to the crowd, everyone was cheering his name; “Willow, Willow, Willow,…” Something went wrong after the first banana, regurgitating the warm bitter and banana, wearing more bitter than he was drinking the crowd were shouting; “weirdo, weirdo, weirdo, …” It was all over and Willow was looking for somewhere to vomit, unlike “Slim” who just wanted to vomit in front of the others whilst competing. It was safe to say that we did not win anything!
Garden centre vouchers
5 pm was raffles and trophies. It was a charity raffle with all proceeds going to the Teenage Cancer Trust. One of the favourite charities in the scooter and chopper fraternity. Loads of people and businesses donated prizes, too many to mention. Special congratulations to Daz, for winning something for the first time in his life, which was a voucher. I know he needed the Lambretta tools, the alcohol, the tyres – but sometimes you really just need a local garden centre voucher too…
The custom show had many worthy winners. The furthest travelled went to a lad from Scotland, but Erol got a prize too, furthest ridden, female on a geared P200E, 190 miles from Southport, free drinks at the bar all night long, well deserved.
Smelly finger
It was now time to swap shirts and shorts, food from Chloe’s and to start serious drinking. The first band was on at 7.00; Stank Finger, 8.00 Riff Raff and finally The Ouse Valley Singles Club. Yet again, a second night of various sounds, with plenty of dancing and the marquee filling too, with its little own private bar.
My night ended in Willow’s tent, as I gave my tent to Erol. Willow had no sleeping bag as he lent it to Will so he could kip in a mate’s tent. That was a cosy spooning night.
I’ll be back
Up early by default, kettle on and packed away. We said our goodbyes where we could, thanked our neighbours for their hospitality, the three skin girls and lad, then we set off. A couple of misadventures on the way back, a broken CDI bracket cutting a wire and a loose exhaust (again). We left just after 08.00 and home for 1 pm, completely rain-free.
I would like to thank Terry and all the Flatlanders SC for what they put on. The venue was superb, the camp/bar staff were excellent, the five or six stallholders that turned up with all their gear (especially the extra exhaust nuts I bought) and the catering guys. You could not wish for a friendlier, more well-organised rally. Often on rallies, you see altercations, all I saw was friendship and comradery of like-minded people. It was good to see so many tents and people riding. This will be the rally to get your tickets for early next year, can’t wait.
Words and photos: Doug Turner
