Famous last words
It was a glorious sunny evening – the type that you never get in the UK in summer – and Martin laid back on his Vespa to take in a few rays, “Oi you, we’re not here to sunbathe!”, Timmy said, to which Martin gave his now legendary reply, “I am acquainting myself with the best position, making sure I can get comfortable whilst watching you lot repair your Lambrettas!” Oh, how he would come to rue saying that.
At silly o’clock on Sunday morning, after everyone had had a cuppa and a bacon sarnie (and Jaws had cut his leg), the intrepid five finally hit the road towards adventure! Only to get as far as Chislehurst when it was realised that Jaws was already missing in action, having stopped to fuel up. A short wait, then everyone was off again, heading down the M20 in glorious weather until Martin’s Vespa died and it seemed to be game over for him. After much laughing and name-calling, he and his scoot went into the van in order to make it to Folkstone in time for the train. Jaws was the lucky one that day, finding a £10 pound note happily sitting on the floor behind his scoot at the terminal! Surely his luck will run out one day.
On the other side of the tunnel, there was time for Martin to take a look at his Vespa, only to find a broken petal in the reed valve for which he had no spares, the muppet. Martin and his trusty steed had to, therefore, stay in the van with Gerry, with Jaws heading the pack following instructions from his trusty sat nav. Some 20 mins later the whole group were stuck up a dead-end country lane… paint chips galore! After some further name-calling and time for a re-think; Gerry decided to lead and the scooters would follow.
Monday 9th July: Michelbeke Belgium to Prum, Germany, 164 miles
As day dawned it was time for a change of plan to undertake a slight diversion to Scooter Centre in Cologne, instead of Prum, to get the spare parts required for Martin. This also meant a last-minute hotel booking in Cologne which went smoother than expected and only added 20-30 km to the day.
Having filled up on fuel and provisions, and with Martin now riding Tarby, everyone set off. On the way, T developed a problem with his rear brake binding resulting in a red-hot rear hub, and Stax was struggling to keep up with Timmy, Mart and Jaws without overheating. T decided to put Stax in the van to be sorted later at the accommodation. With a man down, Martin, Timmy and Jaws again set off on the scoots, although it wasn’t long before Martin had problems with Tarby, who kept overheating thanks to that dodgy mag-side bearing. Timmy confiscated Tarby and swapped scoots giving Martin Troll to ride, as Timmy was adept at slipstreaming, and knew Tarby well enough to follow Gerry in the van at 65mph, whilst not seizing it!
The three scoots were just about to cross over the border into Germany, in traffic around 30 miles from Cologne, when Martin then had problems with Troll. He said, “I was sitting in the traffic jam stationery, and it just stopped, and now it won’t kick over. I have even tried bumping it, but it’s locked up!” After discussion, all suspected something to do with the kickstart plunger mechanism coming apart and locking the gearbox. Timmy decided to buy the plunger mechanism if Scooter Centre had them, although he would only know the problem for sure once Troll was stripped down.
Scooter Center
Mart had now managed to break two scooters in as many days. Thank the Lord for Gerry and the van. The consensus was now just to get to Scooter Centre before they closed. Arriving just in time, parts for both bikes were bought, Timmy didn’t kill Martin, and all finally arrived at the hotel in one piece.
A case of beer was bought, pizza ordered and it was time for some serious scooter fixing. Martin’s Vespa was up and running within the hour, but fixing Troll was going to be a bit more complicated. When stripped, it was found there was, in fact, no problem with the kickstart mechanism, but Troll would require a gearbox strip and change, as three teeth off second gear had done a runner and gone for a “jam” (pun intended).
With five blokes, a scaffold tower, a tarpaulin and a torch, anything can be done and so it was… by 2.30 am Timmy, Martin and Jaws cleared up the outside workshop and got to bed for 2.45 am. It was too late for a test drive, so it was fingers crossed for the next leg. Gerry and Tatum had sloped off to bed quite a bit earlier, 9 o’clock in fact, just after it started raining! Although in their defence, they both claim to be Millwall fans, and that must be their idea of ‘Teamwork’, which is why “no one likes them, but they don’t care!”
Tuesday 10th July: Prum to Karlsruhe, Germany – 182 miles
After a bit of breakfast, it was time to hit the motorway again, with Martin’s Vespa (theoretically being the slowest) heading the pack and Timmy, (being a tight northern monkey) slipstreaming him and saving petrol. Jaws brought up the rear, as he had been detailed to stay at the back of the line because of his noisy race exhaust, and T was still in the van accompanying Gerry, as he had been too lazy the previous night to fix his bike.
Timmy was complaining of Troll jumping in and out of fourth gear under load. He knew it was the rounded selector and incorrect shimming put in with the 4 speed Indian GP gearbox, kindly supplied by T, who had remembered to bring a spare gearbox with him. Without this Troll wouldn’t have got back on the road. Timmy was adamant though that if he could get another gearbox when they got to Lucca, then he would be changing it again, and shimming it properly too. Holding it in fourth gear for the 700 odd miles left to Lucca was proving proper dangerous and very painful on his left wrist, and he wasn’t riding all the way home like that.
Day 3 was pretty uneventful apart from Martin once again experiencing niggly problems with his Green Meanie. His coil mount finally snapped early doors, and so an ‘old fix’ was used to make it to the B&B.
Spectator sport
Then later in the day, the Vespa decided to leak fuel, and with dodgy electrics to boot, it was decided that along with fixing the coil mount he would also change the petrol tap at the hotel later that evening, having bought one at Scooter Centre the day before. So after lots of motorway driving on the autobahns, too many tea and fag breaks and lots of swearing, it was a weary bunch who arrived at the (very pleasant) Hotel Elite that evening. Having locked the bikes in the garage and eaten fine meze in a Turkish restaurant (whilst watching England play – the irony of doing this in Germany wasn’t lost), all postponed watching Martin do maintenance until the morning, and so turned in for an early night in provision of a dawn start to watch the Vespa get the new petrol tap fitted.
Words: Tim Wilson
That’s it for part one…
Coming up next week in part 2 – will our Famous Five make it to Lucca in time for the event? Will Troll and Timmy get there without the dodgy gearbox locking up and sending them to an untimely death? Tune in next week for more capers as the Famous Five go wild in Italy.
Part one gallery
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